By Fran Darlington - Retired Priest, Diocese of Niagara
Published: February 2006
Related Topics: People
Across the Diocese of Niagara, men and women are exploring a 'call' to ordained ministry. It is a time of discernment, excitement, apprehension, joy, uncertainty – and deep prayer and reflection. Spirituality is one of the most mysterious elements of being human, and everyone involved in the discernment process discovers new challenges in responding to the infinite mystery we call God.
A third year student at Trinity College, Toronto, Cheryl Barker has almost completed the academic and experiential preparation for ordination. Matthew Griffin has completed his first semester of study, also at Trinity College. Together, they bring years of study in other fields, several degrees, professional experience, participation in the Church, and deep commitment to their recently chosen path.
A member of St. Jude's Church, Oakville, since the age of four, Cheryl admits that she "walked away from the Church when I was about 15 or 16. I felt I didn't have a place there; I wasn't good enough to be there... I always had a good relationship with who I now understand as Jesus, said my prayers." She admits, "I thought about the priesthood, but had no young women (as role models)... Then Nissa came! She taught confirmation classes, and showed me maybe women can do this." (The Reverend Canon Nissa Basbaum is Co-Rector of the Church of the Transfiguration, St. Catharines.)
Cheryl began nurturing a talent as a photographer. As well as art, it was also "a conversation with myself and with God. It was my way of journaling..." (Many people, both spiritual and secular, find help in discerning what is happening in their lives by entering daily thoughts, feelings, and ideas into a notebook for that specific purpose. Matthew Griffin comments on journalling: "The process of careful attentive reflection is the real teacher...)
After earning a B.A. and a B.F.A. (Bachelor of Fine Arts) in art history at the University of Toronto, Cheryl realised that she had "developed a really spiritual base... a very personal awareness of God being in images... (In) the Book of the Revelation, my favourite book in the bible, the images appeal to artistic sensibility, (identifying) God as ultimate Creator." As well as nurturing her own gifts, Cheryl has taught photography courses for the Halton Board of Education.
Matthew's Anglican mother and Presbyterian father "left us to discern" the personal choice of denominational affiliation. He grins, "The extent of my religious upbringing was an illustrated children's Bible! I had fun exploring, responding to the power of the stories." In high school, friends brought him to St. James' Church, Dundas. Matthew was baptised and confirmed on the same day by Bishop John Bothwell. "I had gone to a bunch of different churches, (but Anglican) was the one that felt right – not just St. James'... There's something in my response to Anglican services that convinces me, 'Yeah, I'm in the right place."
Matthew holds a B.I.S. (Bachelor of Independent Studies) from the University of Waterloo. He comments "It seemed ludicrous... (but) more reading than anything" lead to his thesis on myth in the works of Robert Kock, whose works include "magic realism, some pretty strange things!" At Waterloo, Matthew served as a Don at Renison College, the Anglican residence. "It was an incredible experience, to be able to sit and listen to people... It was a training ground to pay attention to more than words... We tend to minimize the importance of quietly listening, being actively present, (which is) a big part of my conception of ministry. God calls us to do two things: to be present, and to love. It isn't always the Hallmark version, but far more complicated. It can even look not nice, but still be love."
Doing "virtual classroom work" in an Ottawa research centre while he considered doing an M.A. at the University of Western Ontario, Matthew realised that "the call to ordination would keep coming back." Accepted at Trinity College, he approached the Reverend Brian Ruttan, a priest and faculty member at Trinity College, to inquire about the process, and had "a chat with Marion" (the Venerable Marion Vincett, Executive Archdeacon of Niagara). Given application forms and essay questions, Matthew "went away and prayed, and had long talks with my spiritual director. I was pretty convinced, had that feeling that it was coming together. It makes sense, feels right."
Cheryl too wrestled with the question of ordination. "I kept questioning, pushing it aside. I got married and divorced, dated again." Looking at her pictures, she found "God speaking to me. Every single one had a scriptural reference! I asked 'How can I be a priest?' I'd had many experiences, but done nothing really bad. I was a C & E (Christmas and Easter) Christian, but I was excited. It felt right!"
Cheryl applied to audit classes at Trinity College. The Reverend David Neelands, Dean of the Faculty of Divinity, invited her to an interview with himself and Brian Ruttan. When she said "But I just want to learn a little!" they replied, "We don't think you should be doing this halfway," and, to her amazement, offered her a place. "I threw up all kinds of roadblocks (money, accommodation, etc.) but when I got home I had four phone calls." The first was a request for her to help in her father's office, the second an uncle offering a two bedroom apartment in Oakville, the third her real estate agent saying that her house had sold, and the fourth a friend looking for a roommate! "I said, 'Okay, God! I get the message! I'll do it!'"
During a course for seminarians and newly ordained men and women from around the world at Canterbury, England, in 2005, Cheryl's vocation was 'cemented'. "I learned so much (about) what it means to be part of the Anglican Communion!" Meeting the Most Reverend Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury, "I thought, 'What's he going to think of me? I've never been one for smells and bells!' (But) there's something about him, he's down-to-earth, never more than his alb and cincture. It moved me most how easily people came up to him after services to request prayers." Her experience was fulfilled when "they asked me back to be chaplain in 2006!"
Both Matthew and Cheryl are energised by their experiences at Trinity College. Matthew says, "I keep using that word, 'fun'! It really is! I truly believe God wants us to be happy, so I think if we're not doing something we enjoy... (something) meaningful, rewarding, then we're not doing what God is calling us to. It's been my experience (observing others) that if you love it, even if it frustrates you to no end, then it's what you're meant to do." Cheryl enthuses about "all the stuff I find so stimulating. Where else can you go and have lunch and theological discussion? It's a supportive environment."
What lies ahead? Matthew admits to "a degree of uncertainty, nervousness. I feel a vocation to the priesthood, (but) I don't know what the Diocese of Niagara thinks... I don't think there's much we can do but be unsettled. God calls us to be unsettled... As I read the Gospels, if I find 'Hmmm, I can be comfortable and relaxed here,' then I haven't entered deeply enough..." He speaks thoughtfully, "Most of what I've hoped for in terms of specifics over the years has ended up looking remarkably different... so essentially it means I have to be open to whatever happens... Working on the M.Div. gives me the opportunity to learn, to meet new people."
Matthew has also begun the Diocesan discernment process. "I've submitted my application and essays, and hopefully the parish recommendation (will be in soon). Then there's the Candidates Committee, where I'll be interviewed by three people, who will discuss me, and make a recommendation to Marion (Vincett) and the Bishop, and hopefully accept me as a candidate." Matthew is pragmatic about his quest: "I don't know if that's worth worrying about, (but) a huge part of me hopes they do! Whatever happens, I'll learn a lot... Whatever happens, I'm going to grow in my faith; it won't be wasted time. It's that simple - and that complicated! So long as I'm open and doing my best to follow Christ. I believe I'll end up essentially okay - it may not look like what I'm hoping now."
Cheryl too admits that "it's exciting and scary at the same time, when you don't know how it's going to work out, to manifest. I love the idea of being a parish priest, but (I love) teaching and photography. It's nerve-wracking at times, (but) when all the doors are flying open, you know something's going to happen. It's a very definite process." Her formal preparation and examination process almost complete, Cheryl has experienced Candidates' Committee and A.C.P.O, a weekend of examination by the Acceptance Committee for Postulants for Ordination from several Dioceses of the Ecclesiastical Province of Ontario. She comments philosophically, "Everything's done. I basically have to finish school and hope they have a place for me. The Diocese never promises until right before (ordination)."
For both Matthew and Cheryl, the presence of God is revealed in many ways in daily life. Matthew says, "Anything and everything you can enter into can become prayerful." He enjoys many activities both with friends and in solitude, and learns about life from his family and their pets, an Irish Wolfhound, an English Sheepdog, and two cats. Cheryl too loves animals: "One thing that informs my ministry of late are dog guys!" Over time she has adopted three Great Danes through a Rescue Organisation for the breed, and they have accompanied her in her work in the Church. Inevitably, she enjoys "the media/art world in the sense that it can teach us. I discover who I really am going to art galleries."
Two very different people who share a common goal, Cheryl and Matthew have come to this point in their lives with courage and faithfulness, offering themselves, their experiences and energy to the Church's strenuous examination and training for the life of ordained ministry. However the Diocese of Niagara responds to their gifts, God will surely fulfill his will in them to the benefit of his Church and his people.